I watched CNN’s 360 “special” coverage of the death of a cop killer; Anderson Cooper’s conspicuous absence puzzled me – when it says 360, you expect Cooper. Perhaps Anderson is tucking his head beneath his wing, he knows this bird don’t fly! His obsequious interview with LAPD was so lacking punch it was surprising. We expect Cooper to ask the hard questions, to “keep them honest” and it just didn’t happen. The story has come to its expected conclusion, no thinking person would have expected the arrest of Chris Dorner, that just wasn’t in the cards. No one seems to want to speak for Chris, perhaps they feel he spoke for himself through the lengthy journal he posted on Facebook. I am not at all sure that tells the true story of what drove Christopher Jordan Dorner to murder. Oh, he documented his downfall and he certainly pointed fingers at those he felt brought about his fall from grace. The strange thing is, he didn’t kill any of them. It would appear he didn’t get anywhere close to them and didn’t attempt to. This was a case of much ado about something else. I truly believe Chris started something he could not handle and once that fire started burning it was as all fire is, uncontrollable.
Chris had a thing for Monica Quan. I think this is what sparked all that transpired. If anyone really wants to find out why, this part of the equation must be considered. It is more than possible they met, it is likely. She was the daughter of Randal Quan, the LAPD police captain that represented Dorner in his appeal to recover his job. She was beautiful, athletic, intelligent; it is does not take much to speculate he was attracted to her. If we accept the possibility as a given, the whole series of events starts to make a little more sense.
I think her engagement four days before her murder pushed Christopher Dorner over the edge into hated cop killer. I don’t think the LAPD will disclose that, they don’t care. They are in the process of standing down from a threat that may never have been. I know that sounds harsh but please take the time to mull over what exactly happened. He did not kill any of the principles he named in his journal. He went after the beautiful Monica Quan instead. Her fiancee, Keith Lawrence may have been a target as well or just could have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Chris Dorner knew that once he decided if he couldn’t have Monica, no one could – it was on. The lack of bodies left strewn in his wake should tell everyone that his heart just wasn’t in it. Or that it was his heart that got him into it to begin with. He killed four people; Monica Kwan, safety officer Keith Lawrence, and two police officers in separate skirmishes. He did not march into the heart of any LAPD station and start shooting, he tried to hijack a boat and head to Mexico. That didn’t work, so he headed north. I was expecting a run at the Canadian border. Once he started this, there was no hope for him and the world knew it. Christopher just couldn’t be honest and I am guessing it was because he knew that his unrequited love was just that, and that realization set this drama in motion. Add that to all the frustration of losing his naval affiliations and losing his job as a police officer in 2008 (albeit five years ago) and the powder keg was aflame. His “manifesto” was probably a diary of sorts. The threats were there, the language menacing enough but his actions spoke far louder than his words. There was really only one target; the other victims in this case were opportunistic, he did not seek out these altercations. He dealt with them as they arose, but his objective was to get out of the city and disappear. Of course I can’t be sure of any of this, but I would venture to guess – had Chris managed to steal that boat, we may never have heard from him again. The manhunt would have continued but he would not have been anywhere near it. He wanted to go to Mexico and possibly even further south.
I am hugely curious as to whether some amphetamines were involved here, but his crisp demise might leave that unanswered. There will be many questions unanswered; the LAPD is in control of all information now and no one but a group of tattered remnants speak for him. They shout volumes as to his manifesto and the accusations therein, but I suspect his few friends and family will quietly agree with my estimation of this horrific series of events.
Any man can be pushed beyond reason. Christopher Dorner was in love, realized it wasn’t ever going to happen and lost it. And in that one unforgettable, unforgivable moment – he destroyed the one thing in the world that he loved; fiercely loved. He knew she was lost to him. His career gone, his family estranged – he felt he had nothing left to live for and rather than commit suicide he thought he would revisit injustices of the past and justify the killing of the woman he loved. He would threaten the police world that had so ground him up and spit him out, he would strike back against all the pain. The engagement was the ultimate betrayal for Chris, it was the end of hope on a dark, hopeless trail. It was the stressor that broke whatever resolve he maintained; this was a man and a moment in time and a thing called losing it. Once lost there was no going back. Chris needed to validate his actions and thought going out like Rambo, fighting the good fight, challenging those that he felt had demeaned him, well – that was the plan. I firmly believe he changed his mind and had every intention of running for whatever border he could get to. Bad luck he was such a bad driver. Or he had come to terms with what he had done, realized he couldn’t live with it and decided he might as well make the stand he threatened to make. The fact that his cell phone came on for a short time that fateful day tells us Chris needed to make amends with someone; that cell phone call will forever be Chris Dorner’s outstretched hand.
For those that would dispute this (especially the LAPD that would continue to ignore the obvious), please remember the body count here. No civilians, 3 cops and one beautiful, young, recently engaged woman. Serial killers rack up far bigger scores, spree killers and mass murderers well -we’ve seen those body counts; Christopher Jordan Dorner: 4. A couple of injuries aside, he wasn’t really trying to take out the LAPD police force. If he wasn’t on any type of drugs, adrenaline forced him into the second and third shootings and self-preservation accounted for the fourth and fifth. And then there was the no choice option, surrounded by no end of law enforcement, helicopters buzzing overhead and the threat of burning to death licking at the last vestige of sanity.
For you that thought he was fighting some type of war; for those of you that thought he was a hero righting racial wrongs; for those of you that felt he might have been framed and scapegoated – I’m sorry to disappoint. Christopher Dorner was just a man in love. A man bent and humbled by the impossibility of his dreams. A man crushed by a tiny, velvet fist – the one wrapped round his heart, the one that stole his breath and made him see no tomorrows without her. I’ve been in Chris’ shoes – we all have.
We just never tried to set the world aflame with our pain.
And somehow now we see this goofy shuffle of civilians that Dorner left unharmed. And I see where some of you, misinformed and hero-worshipping as you are, might believe that there was some way to save this man; someway to help him fight his fight; some Don Quixote moment you and he might share. Part of me, some tiny part of ME… identifies with that. Some miniscule part of what may be my soul grieves for Dorner, grieves for the “just” part of Christopher that died long before he found himself surrounded, under heavy fire and possibly wishing his phone would ring – one tiny moment of humanity for Christopher before humanity ended. It’s painful. It should be.
For all of us that insist that the POLICE are off limits – that you cannot – you MUST NOT attack that which holds us safe, that which stands guard and allows us to sleep safely, that which is society and by that, it’s anchor – for all of us – we must hold firm and strong our belief. Or we are lost in the tumult that is this story. I am so torn by the pain of this that I cannot on any one day or the next explain how I feel. I know I feel. I will not say this is Christopher’s legacy – because Christopher’s legacy is one of murder and pain. That is the legacy that will endure – Christopher’s death will soon be forgotten in the wake of some new gun horror. The families of the victims will remain to grieve; remain to note and notice their loss until they themselves are lost . There are no words that can equate one loss to another. Especially when one sad, desperate loss is only noted by ragged elements that would happily overthrow all that we hold dear. And yes – I heard Christopher’s family finally reached out and apologised to us all.
I hope they apologised to him. I hope in those mean, final horrible moments Christopher Jordan Dorner, 33..found some peace.
I started this piece in support of your local police department…
I’ve been watching CNN’s coverage of the Dorner fiasco. The jurisdictional pissing contest between LAPD and San Bernadino was incomprehensible. Burning Dorner out of someone else’s home and property, unimaginable. I don’t think anyone following this drama believed it would end with Dorner’s capture – he was not going to be taken alive and law enforcement had no intention of taking him alive. Oh, they may say differently, especially those mouthpieces suggesting they wanted to question him as to accomplices or motive, but we all know that just isn’t true. We know he had no one helping him because he died painfully and desperately alone. We knew that we would hear that his cell phone was tracked for a brief few moments that afternoon – I hope that call meant something. I am not defending him, if you’ve read any of my Dorner posts, I said he should be cut down like the rabid animal he was. In retrospect – perhaps a tad harsh, but this was no Rambo or Terminator movie, this was real people dying. People that did not see him coming and had nothing to do with the complaints he documented through his infamous Manifesto. His were cowardly and unforgivable acts. He deserved to die. He had entire local, regional, state and national forces trying to kill him. And they did.
It’s the way they killed him that slightly encourages moral outrage. It’s only a tickle, a mere breeze of discomfort, but it’s there. It’s that vicious, almost hysterical voice screaming “burn it…burn it down…burn it! Fucking burn this motherfucker…” that makes some tiny part of any moral conscious wonder when the inmates started running the asylum. CNN is not playing that tape much, but enough so that any right thinking person is chilled and rightly so. I am glad they followed it up with that measured voice calling to “go ahead with the burners”, “go forward with the plan with the burner” , “like we talked about”. And then “we have a fire”. There are a number of other exchanges, we’re told fire fighters are on hand and then “hold your discipline!” One can only guess that is in response to that gleeful, maniacal voice screaming “burn that fucking house down!” The rest of the tape is what you would expect from professionals doing their job; reporting on life and death with the detachment that must come from many years of serving an ingracious, needy and dangerous public. But that one voice – that one triumphant, horrible cry to burn that fucker down gives slight and bitter insight into the type of organization that bred this monster to begin with.
There is no defense of Dorner. It would seem his family cut ties with him long ago, no one steps forward to speak for him there. The one friend that would comment lost for words, and rightly so. There is nothing good to be said about a man who would so indifferently end the lives of others. Innocents in his proclaimed war against real or imagined enemies; they were what some general on some far off battleground would proclaim as collateral damage. The pain to those families is anything but collateral and measures far more deeply in the moral scheme of things than Christopher Dorner’s death. Most would say he got what he asked for. I would too….except that one strident voice screaming “burn it, burn that fucker down” disturbs and frightens me. I know that anyone dealing with the threat of Dorner would rightly claim anyone has a breaking point – adreneline rushed and under fire, fearing they may not make it home to their families, even cops can give way to that gritty, horrid need for revenge and atonement. I just wish he hadn’t sounded so righteous, so gleeful…so evil.
Think about that name. Micro meaning smaller than your concept of small and soft meaning – erm…not hard. Sounds almost feminine, doesn’t it? It sounds like something a woman would welcome and nurture. We women are all about nurturing. Unfortunately, Microsoft support is anything but nurturing. Microsoft support wouldn’t qualify as a jock strap in a soccer game. Microsoft is anything but supportive.
I started this blog questioning Bill Gates’ manhood (I mean really – a young man naming a product micro (tiny, very tiny) and soft (not hard) but I thought I would take a higher path). (Slipped there a tad, didn’t I?) Microsoft suggests they have support available but when called upon to prove it, cave like a down pillow covering a manhole. You know that last step was soft – and you know you are falling, you just can’t believe someone would try to fool you that badly!
Microsoft will fool you. Apple is getting a lot of bad press lately for planned obsolescence and so it should be, but Microsoft has planned to screw you all along and that is hard to forgive. You know walking into the store that Apple will cost you so you turn around and go seek the supposedly safe Microsoft harbour. Bad move. It’s not just the hotmail I lost (but I admit it is mostly that) it is all the stupid programs I had to pay for, all the updates and upgrades that eventually cost, all the nonsense recently about “we are changing this to a new program that even kiddygaters will understand”. It is about Microsoft making our decisions for us. Cause – hey, wow -we’re too stupid to know what we want. Right? Wrong.
I want to keep the programs I have, Microsoft – I like the way I have my computer set up but we all know that it will crash and burn eventually. I am not at all looking forward to a new computer because I know it will insult me with it’s simplicity. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind computers getting easier to operate; I take mega exception to a program that treats me like an idiot and suggests I should let my fingers do the walking. That is a very old concept – shame on Microsoft for suggesting it is new!
My next computer will be a Mac. I figure I might as well switch horses and get newly abused. I am 15 years tired of Microsoft abuse – and losing my hotmail account ices the cake.
Don’t let Microsoft protect you against yourself! Don’t let Microdick run your computer experience, break free and try something else. We can be a tad sheepish following what we know. Understand you don’t know Microsoft and they don’t care to know you! They want your money not your patronage. If they actually wanted YOU – they would put more effort into their customer service. They would court you, they would respect you and they would make sure your Microsoft experience was a pleasant one! Ya know what?
There are Hollywood street hookers with a better sense of customer satisfaction. Shame, shame Microdick – shame shame!
Do you remember when admitting you had a hotmail account was akin to fessing up that you were an avid porn follower? Just the name itself had those associations and you never wanted your friends to know you actually had a hotmail account. Your friends got your real e-mail addy, never that “so and so @hotmail.com” reference. You didn’t want them thinking less of you because you couldn’t find a legitimate mail host. Times have changed, but the “junk” mail association hasn’t. Hotmail may be trying to upgrade it’s brand by switching to the Outlook theme, but the games the same. There are no qualifications to make a hotmail account, just point and click. That’s all fine, but they would pretend to be legitimate and that kinda grinds my gears.
I never used hotmail to contact anyone I knew. I never gave out a hotmail addy to anyone I hoped would respect me. I used it for online stuff that (in a later or more sober time) I could delete and move away from with no permanent scar to my name or reputation. Hotmail has always been the equivalent of a brown paper bag around a cheap bottle of wine for me – I knew I wanted these contacts but I also knew I didn’t want them to come close to home, MY home. It worked for 13 years; all those second thoughts were safely couched in my hotmail account.
Recently, it would appear that my old and barely trusted hotmail account has been hacked. You’d think it wouldn’t much bother me, I had so little regard for the process that losing the account would seem a minor travail upon the much beaten internet path. And that may be so. But – it was MY account and the hoops that “Microsoft Support” made me jump through to recover it were insulting, demeaning and a tad Hitleresque! I had a cellphone number that was supposed to be a verifying aspect, but it wasn’t. I had a security question that was supposed to ensure I would be able to recover the account, but it didn’t. It came down to filling in a form that left no room for anything but e-mail addresses I don’t remember and contacts I barely had time for to begin with. It asked for past passwords which I did my best to provide, but really – unless you write them down – your passwords are like clouds, they skid by and then move over the horizon. If you are like me, you remember your last password, because that is the only important one!
I know I lied like a sidewalk when I created the account, and now I am glad I did. If my account was hacked I am glad I kept it at arm’s length, I would not want anyone knowing the information I have put into my legitimate e-mail accounts. Everyone lies on the net, it is a form of self-preservation. And yes, those lies will preclude you from returning to an account UNLESS you take the time to sprinkle some truth here and there and validate when prompted. I validated my hotmail account. It didn’t help.
I crashed against “Microsoft Support” so hard I thought I had landed in the middle of the pack at some roller derby event. I gave them everything I had and mentioned I had received 3 reset codes through my current cellphone. I answered my security question at least a dozen times. I did not beg cause I just don’t do begging, but I appealed to their better nature. Seems they don’t have one! Keep in mind that this was a little used, rarely logged into account but it is being guarded like Fort Knox. Mind you, it is being guarded from the owner of the account; I wonder where all this security was when it got hacked.
The bottom line is hotmail’s time has passed. There are hundreds of free mail services out there, find them, use them. Sign up with your provider. Navigate away from Hotmail (or Outlook as they now wish to be called, even they know how seedy hotmail sounds!). If you invest years into a site and it refuses to recognize that, it is time ill wasted. Find a mail service that responds to your needs; that personally recognizes you as a user and that avoids the anonymous “support” train that Microsoft glorifies. Find a service that cares about you and will work with you if you somehow get locked out of your account. Find a service that is actually a service, and not an organization that splats it’s numbers down on paper to sell more shares, but never once thinks of the people behind those numbers. Stay away from hotmail. Do yourselves a favour and check into non-microsoft products and services. They don’t care about you and those new struggling companies lauching better products and services will!
Hotmail? Nah – not even luke warm!